Cudda shudda whudda
Just read a very sad post on IL’s blog. She is thinking of leaving London. It made me really upset because I really, really don’t want IL to leave London. Hopefully she’ll change her mind, but you’ll never know. C is moving here soon though, which is going to be great, but no one could ever replace IL! At the same time, I do understand whats shes sayin.
I feel like maybe I shud have gone traveling around the world or studied or whatever instead of moving 2,5h (flight time) away from my home town. Not Im kinda stuck in a rut with work, flat, cats, boyfriend. And it makes me feel a bit scared. Im not old enough to settle down goddamnit! Not that Im thinking of breaking up with AJ or anything, I am (sad as it may be) still very much with him.
At the same time that I go “maybe i should do this, why haven’t Ive traveled more? Im too young to settle down, Im to old to do certain things Ive never done” I also think “what the fuck! Im happy, i dont need to backpack in china to prove/find myself!” My mind is always in battle against itself. Its very tiring.
I have decided not to be stuck in an office for the rest of my life. Ive decided to follow my dreams (yes, I know its sounds gay) and do what i want to do. I love my job, but its more like something I do until I manage to do my other thing. Like i would love to work here for a few yrs maybe, but during that time i really have to start figuring out how to finish of my big project. Of course I already have a big project. Ive been working on it since last year actually!
I think Im just gonna take a step back and say its OK. Sorry for the depressing post, but sometimes even I have to vent some thoughts that are just plainly uninteresting but not very funny.
Cheers
P
